I am 26 going on 27…my, my, how time flies. Anyways, this is the story of why the love of my life and I, looking back on it, never would have worked out. My ex-boyfriend and I, I thought I was going to marry him. And maybe I would have, in another day, another life. I simply think that we met to early in life. We were both so young and we were both so different. That’s all there really is to it. Of course, the break-up, that was another thing. I will not go into the details here, as to protect his privacy. But, we had met in high school, but dated throughout college, before calling it quits. We haven’t spoken in five years, and our paths never cross. I’ll tell anyone, however, he was the one that got away. I fucked up that relationship like no other. To this day, I wonder how I could have let such a wonderful, kind, caring, peaceful man go.
But I know now. It wasn’t really a choice. It just was what it was. He was who he was and I was who he was. He was quite happy living the simple life. He was quite happy staying in West Hartford, where it was familiar and with people that he knew.
Me? On the other hand, me…I’ll never be okay staying, and I will never be okay just being. Staying in one place has never been my thing. I like to go on adventures, explore life and explore the world. While I did not do much traveling while I was in college, I did travel to the Bahamas and to Jamaica. And occasionally, I traveled small day trips. I did a significant amount of traveling after college, to places like England, Philadelphia, New Orleans and San Diego, as discussed in a previous blog. I really got to find out more about myself and what I want out of life. I went ziplining and white river rafting. I even sailed a boat and went pairasailing. I was the best version of myself while I was single. I was no longer tethered to someone else. I discovered what made me happy and who I was. Very rarely in my entire life had I ever experienced what it was like to be truly single. I was always in a relationship. And if I was not in a relationship, I was always seeking another relationship. I always needed and wanted to be with someone, like some what of a parasite.
Then I realized, I only get one life, one chance to get it right. Sure I have made mistakes, but that is all part of the learning process. The way I view the world, life is far too short to be anything but happy.
Me and my former significant other, the one that I have never really gotten over, the one whose void still sits and weighs heavy on my heart, I can sleep easy now, knowing that we never really where meant to be, because while he would much rather be close to the ones he loves and what he knows, I would much rather travel and go….because you see, sometimes you have to get a little lost to find yourself again…like my blog says, not all who wander are lost.
I made many mistakes in that relationship. But then, I forgave myself.