A Lonely Place to Be

I get so LonelyHey there! I was distributing posts relatively quickly for a while. I don’t want to be completely M.I.A. Things have been semi-hectic the past few days as I have had to make so many adjustments to everything and change my whole life. It’s like being on a foreign planet. It’s a feeling like this, that I’m feeling right now that makes me question how people actually want to participate in that Mars Project to live on Mars and never return home.

I have learned so much so far about the Italian culture. Some things I simply can’t get used to. For instance, Italians sit around the table and eat as a family. Do you know many Americans that do that? I certainly don’t. We live such a busy life in the US, constantly moving from place to place. And, the Italians eat dinner around like 8:00. That’s pretty damn late for me. I like to eat around 6 and usually be in bed by 10. They also like to take extra long lunches, so when you want to go shopping in the middle of the day, you don’t have the opportunity to do that really.

Anyways, as it is an experience, I realized, that I am incredibly lonely out here. No friends, no family. I’m all on my own with nobody to turn to. You know, there is a quote that says, “sometimes you don’t know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

The loneliness usually sets in in the late afternoons and early evenings. I am having fun, most of the time, exploring, learning and challenging myself. But sometimes it would be nice to have some support out here. I wouldn’t call what I have homesickness.

I don’t particularly like to be lonely. I think that part of the reason I enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love so much was because Elizabeth Gilbert and I have quite a bit in common. Liz talks a lot about the importance of learning to be lonely. I don’t like being lonely. Although, I believe that loneliness is a choice. You can sit in it, or you can rise above it and overcome it. I don’t think that I really know how to overcome loneliness. I need to be able to bare my own company, to work my way through this and come out of the other side stronger than before. This is a growing experience, a test against all times all odds.

I don’t want to fill an empty self like Liz did. This is a quote from Liz on talking about her journey and being alone: “I remember when I was traveling alone during the Eat Pray Love journey and I crossed this threshold where suddenly I realized, “I am going to treat myself like I am my own amazing boyfriend. I’m going to be SO GOOD to me. I’m going to take me to the most beautiful places. I’m going to say the most comforting words to myself. I’m going ask me every day, ‘What do you need, dear one? What can I do for you?'” And we ended up having an amazing time together — me and me.” Maybe that is what I need. Out here, until I start making friends, I need to be my own best friend. I need to have a new outlook. I need to be lonely until it does not scare me anymore. I admire Liz. She was so brave going on her one woman journey by herself. I hear so many people who travel by them self say that it was both the scariest and most rewarding thing that they have ever done. I love this Liz article so much that I am posting it here: http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/thought-of-the-day-in-defense-of-loneliness-dear-ones-so-the-other-day/

She even said this:

When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness. Make a map of it. Sit with it, for once in your life. Welcome to the human experience. But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.

Of every emotion that the human can feel, loneliness and pain are my two least favorites.  I heard someone very wise say the other day, that “everyone wants love, but nobody wants the pain, but you can’t have a rainbow, without a little rain.” Beautiful sentiment if you will.

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