Fear of Flying

In about four days, I will be handing in my resignation letter at work. And, in just over a month, 5 weeks to be exact, I will be heading off to one of the biggest adventures of my life. I will be living as a local in Italy.

And, in all honesty, I am scared shitless. For a lot of reasons actually. One of the biggest reasons that I am scared is because, I met a guy. It sounds weird, but I fell in love with him the minute I met him. It’s almost like that old Savage Garden song, “I knew I loved you.” I did, with him anyways. “Maybe it’s intuition, some things I just don’t question, like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant. I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but I believe. I knew I loved you before I met you. I must have dreamed you into life.” Yeah. So, of course, packing my bags and preparing to leave for Italy, I’m kind of sad about. I love him, and I am not looking forward to being away from him for two months.

I mean, right now, I am stuck in a snow storm, away from him for three days, and I already feel like I am going to die. When we met, we truly connected. I never thought I would ever fall in love again, but I did, fast and hard. I tried for love one more time and I found it. He is the sweetest, most caring guy that I have ever met. I want to take care of him.

Well, in addition to that fear, I have a couple of others. Some of my fears about my pending trip are below:

1) Fear of Loneliness:

Think about it for a minute. I am practically jumping into the unknown. I am leaving a job (mark you, a job I dislike) and doing something that I have always dreamed of. But nonetheless, I am going to a country where I do not have any friends or family. I am practically starting over, and I admit it, I could not be more scared. I should be excited, thrilled. This is an adventure. I need to take life as it comes at me, because life is too short to be anything but happy. But maybe, being lonely will cause me to awaken. This could be the best or the worst trip of my life. Maybe this trip will help me find myself, who I am meant to be, what makes me happy. I think I need this trip, to be alone, to see the world, to truly be.

2) Culture Shock

How will I deal with the culture shock? How will I deal with those slowly leisure meals? How will I deal with the language barrier? What if I get lost? Maybe I worry too much, but these are valid concerns, right?

3) Getting Lost

Maybe at the end of the day, it is not until you are truly lost that you can really begin to find yourself, but let’s face it, I could not use a map if it were staring at me.


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